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myx3isurs
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Name: caitlin
Metro:
Gender: Female


Interests: being with my wonderful freinds,talking to my Jesus, ,acting,singing,being me a.k.a stupid , going to concerts,listening to music , i ♥ music
Expertise: none
Occupation: frost biter


Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM: isntshelucky89


Member Since: 11/12/2005

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 CHRISTIAN HOMESCHOOLERS 
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Thursday, October 18, 2007

God and i.

 Here i am again
 tucked safely into bed
 every thing's turned off
 i cant have any distractions.
 not this time.
 
 i stare at the ceiling and take a deep breath
 prepared to do what i must,
 prepared to let God know what a disappointment i am.

 "Lord," i begin ,carefully going over the words I've already prepared.
 " I've strayed so far , I've let you down
   i feel as if this pattern will never end.
  and i just wanted to say , I'm sorry"

 "Caitlin.." He says quietly,
 He's voice a barely audible sound.
 " I understand..."

  " But God you don't!!" i intervene.
  " You must be so sick of me..but i need to say I'm turning it around.
     I know I've said it before, but i mean it this time Lord, I'm sorry."

 " Child , You're right we've done this before..."
 
 " At least a million times!!! i know!!! and you must be ready to just give up." i say between sobs " but please , please don't give up, God , I'm so sorry."

 "Everyone messes up, Caitlin . Everyone strays. In the thousands of years I've done this, your certainly not the first."
 
" I know all about your forgiveness, but i also know your just.But please, I need you God.I'm sorry."

" CAITLIN!!"
 I'm startled by how loud his voice becomes.
" My daughter," he continues" You're heart is right, I can see you still yearn for truth and light. I will never leave you or forsake you."

 finally i can breathe...
prepared to call it a night, i open my mouth to speak....

" I've already forgiven you," God chimes in,He's warmth and love so strong i cant help but smile,
" and now you must forgive yourself."






Monday, October 15, 2007

Currently Listening
Coco
By Colbie Caillat
the whole cds incredible
see related

i have so much school to catch up on.


and the smell of macaroni and cheese makes me want to barf.



thats all.
haha i know this was deep.


Friday, September 14, 2007

i've been away for awhile now.


its been so incredibly long since i wrote in here.
so i finally have a night of peace and quiet and here i am.
i could not begin to explain to you all that has been going on. But have you ever felt yourself growing up? Where you begin to look and respond to things differently. You begin to look back on certain things you've done and think to yourself "what was i doing??"
Thats how i've been lately..i feel my self growing and wishing i knew things then that i know now.
Don't get me wrong i realize im still just 17 and have so much more living to do. But i'm no longer a child. I have lived long enough to know things and learn from things.
Along with growing up though i'm seeing all my responsibilities and part of me is wishing i could go back to laughing everything off. Not to say that i dont laugh everything off now. I still find myself halarious and laugh my loud anoying laugh any chance i get :] but i also see now that not everything is the game it once was.

i got into another wreck less than a week ago. thank God no one was hurt. and the damage was minimal, ethell is still completely drivable. but it really scared me..one minute im going to get ice cream the next i hear brittany screaming and see a car rushing towards her. God, if i hadnt swerved at that momment....i dont even want to think about it . But the problem is i do think about it..so i guess i just dont want to type it. I've thought about it alot, too much probably. The good thing is..its got me looking at life different.

i also heard God...he told me to talk to a boy. this boy is in the play with me. and i see him and i look in his eyes and he seems so lost and alone. and even though everyone thinks of him as the boy with scarey tshirts and chains on his pants. i see him. God showed me him inside..i know that sounds weird but i honestly looked over at him and for a brief momment i felt all the pain in him. it was as if God took it from him for a second and just let me feel it just so i could see. and then when he took it away i was still left with a bit of it. That same day he told me he was ignostic..i didnt know what it meant at the time..i know horrible homeschooler hardy har..but i knew it didnt sound right..so i went home and looked it up... For days after that he kept popping into my head and i would talk about him to britt and nick..i could tell they didnt get it. They didnt understand why i was obsessing about it. I dont understand why they dont get it. He's just a boy..thirteen ,fourteen maybe and he's already so lost...it breaks my heart..im literally crying right now. and im sure you're just like them..you probably dont get why im sobbing at the thought of this boy. But he's just a boy...and the devils already gotten such a strong grip on him. anyways on to my story..weds night ps talked about listening to God and imediately kevin popped into my head and i went to the alter and prayed and prayed God if he's ready to hear it let me know..if he needs someone to talk to him give me the chance give me a clear oportunity to do it. So today im at practice and he's sitting by the window..completely alone..i glance over and it doesnt even occur to me and first but then i know..this was it. But i got scared...why did i get scared..he's just a kid...i walked around trying to get the nerve...it took me ten minutes but i finally went over..and yea i talked to him...i asked him exactly what he beleived..he proceded to say nothing ..but the more i talked to him the more i saw that he did believe in God and Heaven and Hell he just doesnt care..i didnt preach at him because i know he'd had enough of that..i just said i wanted to understand it and then i asked him what he did when he was lonely who did he talk to?...no one..what about when youre scared..no one...but the more he said he didnt care the more i felt he did care..he's just got this huge wall up..but then i saw why God wanted me to go before...halfway threw the convo 3 other people came over and started preaching at him..yup opposite of what i wanted to do...if i had gone right at first it all wouldve been fine..but i was stupid and scared..and yea thats about it..i apoligized to him..but he said he was use to it...so now im just praying...constantly praying for this kid.



Wednesday, April 25, 2007

here.

 

when i was younger our house had a closet door with marks of peoples height.

That door was incredibly important to me, was i taller than brittany yet?

That door told me if i had grown.

how can we tell if we've grown spiritually?

Shouldnt we see a noticable difference just as  we do when we've gone up a shoe size?

what about when we've grown mentally?

i believe we have grown spiritually and mentally when we can see what the enemy is after and do whatever we can to protect it.

when we can detect whether something is of God or not.

That is spiritual growth.


the enemy is smart and he is beginning to use us agaisnt one another...

 

why do we fight eachother?Do we think we're helping situations? If someone doesnt like you, thats their problem. i dont mean to sound mean..but it is. you dont need to tell them off(as if thats going to make them like you more) .....

theres a verse ps used tonight that i love :

 

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness.Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and saltwater flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

 

I am sorry to every person i have gotten into a stupid argument. No matter how much your personality might anoy me or what you've done to me.

You are my sister and brother in Christ .

We are in the same battle.

striving for the same thing.

trying to cross the exact same finish line.

so why is it so much easier to yell at you than to kneel down and pray with you?

 

Lord take my anger and bitterness away.

help me love every person made in your image.

Help me see them as my brothers and sister.

And help me forgive them whatever they may do.

 

 

 


Wednesday, March 21, 2007

no more.

im restless and angry.
i feel like i'm giving all of me
and not getting anything back.
Its gone on for so long i'm nothing now.
I'm tired of being nothing
and mad
i'm tired of arguing
or feeling like i have to be everything for you
when it seems like your ok with being nothing for me.


This , this is what happens when you put your faith,
your happiness in someone elses hands.
you get disapointed
and restless.

                             You know its gone on for too long
                             when you've forgotten how to go back.


Lord show me how i put my faith in you
because i've forgotten.
Show me your unfailing love ..because everyone else keeps failing me.
Let me fall in love with you.
i want you to be my passion.



no more crying and worrying.

i want to be happy again.



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